New And A Poem

I was going to start a new blog. I clicked the new blog button and was about to come up with an incredibly brilliant blog name, but I couldn't. I don't want to give up on this blog. I know I haven't posted in forever and I know I'm bad, but I won't stop. So, here's a new poem.

You put my life in a box and shipped it away
The years were packed up, day by day
I'd be sad, if they mattered at all
Winters and summers, springs and falls
You had papers piled high, tables and racks
Weeks, days, months, all in little stacks
I put my thoughts in a box and sent it to sea
It sailed the world and came back to me
There were stories in there that weren't mine
Some spoke dully and some had a shine
The box was filled with ideas and such
There came a point I added too much
The box bled out in rays of light
We put it in a bigger box and locked it tight

Some music that's been stuck in my head

I'm back/Poem: Fire and Ice

So, as you probably know, I have been neglecting my blog for quite some time, but not anymore. Why? Because I got bored. I will also be changing the name to observations of a wallflower, just because I loved "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." To restart, here's a new poem. :)


I met a boy with eyes like fire
No matter what it burned higher and higher
Everyone fanned the too tall flames
They made him play their stupid games
I got myself burned, he didn't mean to though
I said it was alright, but he said no
He pushed me away and kept burning
While I stood by uneasy and churning
He burned himself up until the fire was out
It all ended with a cry and a shout
When it was gone there was someone new
His eyes where like ice, a cold cold blue
He smirked at me, the same crooked look
I swear for a minute the ground shook
He's the same, yet not at all
He still won't catch me if I fall
He may still not be totally right
But there will always be that light
Sometimes I miss the heat
I miss my frantic pounding heartbeat
I met a boy with fire in his eyes
But at one point I watch the fire die.

Poem: Still Breathing

Breathe
Just in and out
Try not to shout
Breathe
Keep calm
Press palm to palm
Breathe
Try not to yell
Stay in a shell
Breathe
Try not to hear
Ignore the leer
Breathe
My ears are pounding
They keep hounding
Breathe
Don't let them see
Their words get too me
Breathe
Out and in
Block out the din
Breathe
Don't cry
Force a lie
Breathe
Bite my tongue
This isn't fun
Breathe
Fake a smile
Only a while
Breathe
Don't let it hurt
White knuckles on my shirt
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Shake it out

Poem: Goodbye (For now)

I hate goodbye
But this one will do me good
There's no way I'll cry
Don't say I misunderstood
So, goodbye for now
One hell of a show
I should really take a bow
It's not over though
This is just the first act
I can't end it, not yet
My heart's already been hacked
But I won't be your little pet
So, goodbye for just a while
Let you think it's done
Heartbreak is my general style
It's only just begun
I'll see you sometime
Just smile your way
I'll be quiet as a mime
Won't even look at you most days
Goodbye until you understand why
You gotta get that right now
Goodbye until you actually try
Some things I just can't allow
I can't leave you forever
But I need some time without
I'll be distracted with whomever
So, don't sit there and pout
I'm saying goodbye to you
But we'll get back soon
I know you need me too
I'm done with this old tune
No matter what I'll wow
You'll be a little queasy
Goodbye for now
Loves not supposed to be easy

Poem: Forget me

Forget me
Just let me fade away
Don't remember me tomorrow
Just think of me today
I'm not worth the time
It's too hard to care
It's not worth the climb
All I am is a spare
So, forget me
Don't dwell on what I've done
Let me set with the moon
But not rise with the sun
I'm over all not seen
I'm orange and grey
Not blue and green
Don't let your memory stray
I'm a little off the path
Who knows how far you'll go
I can't do the math
Forget me, please
Don't hold on
Lose it to the breeze
I'm too far gone
Forgive, forget, and don't think too much
Thoughts and dreams can stay for a while
But memories are just like a crutch
So, forget and smile.

Poem: Why?

Why do I like you?
I honestly don't know
You take my heart and give it a throw
It never gets caught, before it falls
Yet you instantly knock down all my walls
You like playing ping pong with my heart
You've turned annoying me into an art
You make me want to scream and shout
You fill my thoughts with self-doubt
I try not to like you, I really do
But when I say I hate you, it's not true
You bring me to my wits end, and back
You make me feel like I'm about to crack
So, why do I like you?
Someone tell me please

Poem: Change me

Change me
Shape me
Make me what you want
Shy
Outgoing
Modest or a flaunt
Choose my words
Choose my voice
Decide what I say
Choose my face
Choose my eyes
Alter me like clay
I'll be this
I'll be that
I'll be what you need
Change my thoughts
Change my opinions
Plant ideas like a seed
You've change me already
I'll never be the same
Everything's different
All I have is my name

Poem: Us

It's stupid
It's brilliant
It's worst and it's best
It's chaotic
It's organized
It's awake and at rest
It's perfect
It's painful
It's a curse and a blessing
It's rising
It's falling
It's knowing and guessing
It hurts you
It kills me
It makes us feel whole
It's hate
it's love
It's hot and it's cold
We make it
We break it
We fall apart
It's funny
It's serious
It's crazy and it's smart
It's strange
It's normal
It doesn't make sense
I'm broken
I'm fixed
It's relaxed and it's tense
It can break
It can fix
It can make the world quake
You rock the earth when you hug me near
You make me blush when you call me dear
I get you to smile when you want to cry
I make you feel better even if I have to lie
What happens, will happen no matter what we do
Someday it won't be me and you
It will be you and some nameless girl
Who's prettier and seems like a pearl
You'll forget me and not spare a glance
Right now I'm just taking a chance
You might end us first, and I can't bear it
So, right now I'm just gonna quit
That was us, but it won't always be
That can't be changed with just a plea
This hurts me as much as you
Just understand I have to

Poem: Boundaries Pt. 2

I need to keep my words locked up tight
No matter what they always have to fight
Everything I say seems to comes out wrong
My words are too short or too long
I speak too quietly or too quickly
I try to be kind but it comes out prickly
I mess up on everything that I do
I've finally decided I'm done, I'm through
I'm giving up on even trying
So, I'll just stop with all of my lying
No, I'm not even near okay
All these colors just fade to grey
I have to stay inside the lines
All these things just undermine
I just have to stay silent
My frustration can get violent
I'll just keep my head bowed
Work to blend in with the crowd
I can't deal with this trouble
All my happiness just turns to rubble
I'm falling apart, breaking at the seams
Can really nobody hear my screams?
I just feel like I'm drowning all alone
Nobody saves me and I sink like a stone
Just pull my out, break me free
Comes and save me, then let me be

Poem: Pick up the phone

Hey
Hello?
You if I needed to I could talk to you, but you aren't picking up the phone.
I just need you.
I need you to tell me not to do it.
I need you to tell me the reason.
The three word reason I'm still here at all.
Why I'm still alive.
Other people tell it to me but it only matters when you say it.
You don't know how big an effect it has.
You don't know that it stops me from.
I don't even have to ask, you always say it.
You've said it to my face, in a note, and in a text.
But you're not texting back now.
Why?
Even hello would do, I just need to talk to you.
Please.
Please pick up the phone.
I really need you right now.
At least tell me why you're not able to talk to me.
At least tell me what I did wrong.
Please pick up the phone.
I need something.
I have some much falling apart and breaking.
Please tell me I still have you.
I have been trying to fight it and the only thing that keeps me going is you.
I can't fight anymore.
I can't without you.
Goodbye.

Poem: Don't

Don't speak it
Don't say it
Pretend it's not true
It's breaking
It's cracking
This is coming unglued
Don't believe it
Don't think it
All's easier that way
It' painful
It's hurting
But it'll be over one day
Don't do anything
Don't say anything
This is all too fresh
It's there
It's permanent
This is imprinted in flesh
Don't remember it later
Don't dwell on the past
It'll just keep you back
It's a prison
It's chains
Your mind could crack
Don't fix it
Don't help it
You'll break too
It's shattered
It's flawed
Thoughts all black and blue
Don't make me remember
Don't let me forget
I need to leave it behind
It's a curse to carry
It's a blessing to hate
It crawls and creeps inside my mind
I can forget and so I will
But right now, my pain could kill.

Poem: Sorry

Just say you're sorry
It's not that hard
Just for once let down your guard
One little word
Five tiny letters
And a gigantic blow to your pride
Just give me a reason
I can stay here all season
Admit you were wrong
It won't take that long
I need something to carry me on
This is the end of the con
Just stop me from this
Yell, whisper, or kiss
I need an excuse
My lies come in twos
Just give me something to hold
Not all that glitters is gold
I need to forgive you
But my reasons are few
Just say you're sorry

Poem: Games

I fall backwards
You step away
You don't catch me
I'll make you pay
Let's play a game
Whoever wins it
You'll be glad you came
Playing your games
Pretending I don't care
You always cheat
These games are never fair
You're making up as you go along
You don't like my rules
Some are right and some are wrong
Let's play a game
Those are always fun
I'm the moth and you're the flame
It's one battle and a war
We go back and forth
One follows, the other ignores
Let's play a game
It'll be fun
Just ready, fire, aim
Keep going 'till you've won
We both pull out
I win, you lose
And there you pout
I've followed all my cues
Let's play a game
I'm having fun here
Who's to blame?
Let's give a cheer
We hear the winners name
I played your games
You played mine
We both have some claims
Just count down from nine
It's over.
I've won.
Although I guess we're even
When it's all said and done.

Poem: Boundaries

I have to be careful with words
They're flitting in my head like a bunch of birds
I say the wrong thing way too often
The looks, leers and chills never soften
I have my boundaries but I forget they're there
Sometimes they might as well be made of air
Other times I crash up against the wall
I walk too proud and then come to a crawl
My own insecurity always holds me back
Other peoples word are all light and mine are pitch black
I talk too much and they tell me to I shouldn't
I talk too little and they say I couldn't
Is it walls or chains?
Do I lose or gain?
I'm stuck in my head and they stuff me back inside
I do something wrong and I just want to hide
I'll stay silent as I can, keep my head down
When they all smile, I'll have a frown
Are they laughing at me?
Is my pain and sadness a source of their glee?
I ignore them and push out what they say
One deep breath and take it day by day
I have my boundaries and I have to respect them
Otherwise I'll be up until two am
I have my chains and I'm not supposed to try and break free
Close my eyes, one, two, three
Here's my line, I can't go to the other side
I can't, after all I've cried
I'm stuck in this place
A prison of glass, where I hide my face
I can't break through
I look fine outside, but on the inside I'm blue
I'll watch what I say
I'll do everything your way
I have my boundaries and I need them all
Over and out of the boundaries I could fall
I don't want to break out
I don't want to scream or shout
I don't want to be helped by you and yours
You've fought enough of your own wars
I'll be more careful next time
I'll hold my tongue like speakings a crime
I know where the line is now
I'll be silent, that I vow.

Poem: Losing sleep

I can't sleep.
Don't pretend you don't know why.
If you can sleep I hate you even more.
I'm tired, but when I close my eyes I see your eyes.
Not your whole face, just your eyes.
That was the first time I saw you cry.
It will probably be the last.
Hell, it will probably be the last time I see you at all.
I can't sleep.
You would tell me I'm being stupid but stay up and sing me french songs until I fell asleep.
I can't sleep.
You'll probably never even talk to me again, let alone sing me to sleep.
I miss you.
I can't sleep because I miss just knowing I could call you at three in the morning and you would talk to me for hours until I hung up.
I can't sleep.
If I called you at three am now it would be awkward for both of us.
And your new girlfriend.
Does she know?
Does she really know anything about you?
I can't sleep.
And I know you well enough to know that you can't either.
So, that's why I'm calling you at three am.

Peom: Alone

Alone.
Surrounded by people but for all intents and purposes
Alone.
A thousand voices fill the air but it might as well be dead quiet.
Alone.
A hundred eyes look my way but none of them see me.
Alone.
Tens of people bump into me but they don't spare a second glance.
Alone.
A few notice me but don't find anything interesting.
Alone.
A thousand thoughts and opinions but only one matters. A hundred eyes but only two really see me.
Several who run into me but only one who walks and stops.
A few who notice me but only one who actually notices me.
A billion people.
Alone.
Then him.
Not so alone.

Poem: I can't

Whatever this is
Whatever we have
Whatever we had
It can't continue
I can't continue
Whatever you do to not have feelings
Whatever I do to just slightly control them
Whatever I could do
I can't anymore
I can't be as cold as you
Whatever you once were to me
Whatever I once was to you
Whatever we were together
I can't be that girl
I can't see you as that boy
Whatever would save this
Whatever you suggest
Whatever we both know will work
I can't do this anymore
I can't do any of this anymore
I can't fight for you
When I shouldn't have to
I can't be brave enough to work hard for this
I can't be weak enough to need this
I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't
But if I could
I would.

Poem: The last day

It's a little odd, to be leaving so soon
I'd lie and say I'm sad, but honestly I'm over the moon
Somethings I'll miss, just a tiny lil bit
But most of what's here is all just sh**
I hate you, you, and you
Oh, yes, I hate you too
Leaving here will be such a relief
This place sucks, is my firm belief
I'll take a deep breath, focus on the good
Should I say I love this place? I would if I could
I hate this school with a fury!
Even if my memories are a bit blurry
So, I don't remember most of your names
And no I didn't play many games
I wasn't a part of the teasing and taunts
I didn't show off or at all flaunt
and I'm glad it's done.
Cause over all, I've won.

Poem: Cross my heart

So, this poem is inspired by the song Cross my heart by Marianas Trench.


Cross my heart and hope to die
I honestly don't tell that many lies
Cross my heart and hope to die
Yeah, sure of course I can look you in the eye
Cross my heart and hope to die
No, this is not my goodbye
Cross my heart and hope to die
There is no way I like that guy
Cross my heart and hope to die
With all of my lies, just please don't pry
Cross my heart and hope to die
At first I act just a little bit too shy
Cross my heart and hope to die
In the end I'm just a little bit too sly
Cross my heart and hope to die
Whatever happens all that matters is I try
Cross my heart and hope to die
Don't just stand there and keep asking why
Cross my heart and hope to die
No matter the rule I will always defy
Cross my heart and hope to die
Yes, I'll totally reply
Cross my heart and hope to die
Which ones are true and which ones are lies?

Poem: Look a little closer

Look a little closer
Listen a little better
There's so much that could be seen
You'd see who I really am
You'd hear when I cry
Look a little closer
Listen a little better
You'd see that I'm not okay
You'd hear me when I say it
Look even a little
Listen for once
I'm practically dying
I'm practically screaming
You don't see it
You don't hear it
And then silence.

Poem: Short of perfect

His eyes are blue.
Almost perfect, but not really.
His hair is dark brown.
Almsot perfect, but not exactly.
His hair is always perfect and flat.
Almost perfect, but not quite.
His smile is perfect and straight.
Almost perfect, but not truly.
His jokes are always perfect.
Almost perfect, but not funny.
His nickname for me is perfect.
Almost perfect, but not right.
What's perfect?
Brown eyes.
Black hair.
Permanent bed head.
A smirk, not a smile.
Cheesy jokes that have bad timing.
And calling me Clutz.
Thats perfect.
My life doesn't have to be perfect, I don't have to be perfect, the world doesn't have to be perfect.
But I always had one thing that was perfect.
Why did I throw away perfection?

Poem: Lost

I'm not lost
I just don't know where I'm going
What's on my path isn't quite showing
Whether I hit the moon or bump elbows with a star
Wherever I go, I know I'll go far
My path keeps changing, shifting in front of me
The path is blocked, the door is locked
But I'll always find the key
If you want a happy ending it depends on where you stop your story
If you end it wonderfully or if you end it poorly
There's a beginning and an end
There's a foe and a friend
Go where you may, see what you please
You'll be led there by yourlegs and by your knees
When a story stops a new one starts
We all have to find and play our parts
Drop a heart, break a name
Just try and be the winner of the game.

Poem: Love me, Hate me, Stop me

I don't care what feelings are between us because I just need some feelings.
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
I don't care if you love me because I'm too numb to return it
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
I don't care if you hate me because I hate myself
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
I don't care if you stop me because it's too little too late
If you even get here I'll be long gone already at this rate
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
It doesn't matter which one because you can't change the past
No matter what I did I couldn't make the lie last
Decieving you flew by all too fast
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
At least don't forget me because I can't stand that
Just choose one of those three no matter what game you're playing at
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
I don't care if you stop me because I'm simply out of time
The clock reaches midnight and there goes the chime
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
I don't care if you hate me because I don't blame you if you do
If you don't hate me you should really get a clue
Love me
Hate me
Stop me
I don't care if you love me because you won't for very long
Not matter what you say your heart isn't very strong
Love me
Hate me
Stop me

Poem: Happy Ending

Not every ever after is happy.
No ending is the same.
A fantasy can't be real.
It was all just a game.
This started once upon a time, but you controlled the ending.
I'm not a princess anymore than you're a prince.
All that happened cannot be fixed by any amount of mending.
This story sucks, if I do say so myself.
This book should just stay on the shelf.
Not every ever after is happy.
They don't all end in smiles.
Sometimes these things just don't last the miles.
So I won't end this that way.
Riding off into the sunset won't end this day.
So, it won't end resolved.
There isn't a clear villain.
No hero was involved.
So, it isn't a happy ending, just to make that clear.
This is goodbye, it ends with no cheer.

Poem: Not according to plan

This is not supposed to happen.
I was supposed to be forgotten.
I was supposed to be lost amongst a sea of faces.
Not always on his mind.
Not a constant memory.
This is not supposed to be happening.
I was supposed to be nearly invisible.
I was supposed to not be missed.
Not seen by him every day.
Not creating a gaping hole when I left.
This is not supposed to happen
I was supposed to leave without a second thought.
I was supposed to miss no one and have no one miss me.
Not think about him and pause.
Not be interrupted by him and stopped.
This is not supposed to be happening.
He's not supposed to care.

Poem: Up and Down

You confuse me to no end.
I don't understand you at all.
One minute you'll catch me and the next you'll let me fall.
You're here one minute, gone the next.
You can't stop talking to me but then you don't even send a text.
Why do I try?
You leave me broken.
I wanna cry because of words unspoken.
Should I tell you to leave me alone?
Or should I pick up the phone?
Do you do it on purpose or is it just who you are?
One minute you're close and the next you're far.
Do you know what you do to me?
Do you even care?
You're like a little boy who needs to learn how to share.

Poem: Believe

I'd like to make myself believe that everything will be okay.
I'd like to make the world believe I should not be forgotten.
I'd like to make my friends believe that I'm worth keeping around.
I'd like to make myself believe that I can make everything okay.
I'd like to make myself believe that I will not be forgotten.
I'd like to make myself believe that my friends are truly my friends.
I'd like to make myself believe that I don't have to stress.
I believe that I can change the world.
I believe that my friends and I will always be friends
I believe that I can make myself be remembered.
I believe that I can make belief become fact

So, not one of my better ones...I don't know why I wrote it, and it kinda sucks but I thought I'd post it anyway :|

Revised

So, you know the most recent poem that I posted? I revised it. I made it a lot better, so here it is:

If you had one wish what would it be? Would you wish for something you can hear, feel, or see? Would you wish for something you really need? Or would you just wish for a good book to read? If you could have one wish what would it be? Would you wish for you or would you wish for me? Would you wish to be right or for me to be wrong? Would you wish for life to be short or for it to be long? Would you wish for wings to fly? Or are you happy just looking at the sky? Would you wish to go far or stay where you are? If you had one wish who knows what it'd be, I just wish to always be me.

Again, more poetry

If you could have one wish what would it be? Would you wish for something that can be heard, felt or seen? Would you wish for something you really need? Or just wish for a good book to read? Would you simply wish for someone? Because if they see you they just turn and run? Would you wish for more wishes and break the rules? Would you wish to be serious or wish to be the fool? Would you wish for yourself or someone else? Would you wish for love or wish for wealth? If you could have one wish what would it be? Would it be for you or would it be for me? Would you wish for more, or wish for better? Would you wish for a word or wish for a letter. If you could have one wish, who knows what it would be, all I wish is to always be me.

Not alone

So, this song was originally sung by Ginny in a very potter musical, but Darren Criss has an amazing voice on it. I always listen to this when I'm sad :)

To hell with hypothetical

I've been doing a series of hypothetical situations, but we all know they're real, and it's gotten so confusing that I'm just gonna drop the hypothetical and Person A and Person B. I like a guy, he may like me back, I thought that another guy liked me, but it turns out he likes my best friend and now another guy is in the mix. Person B will now be referred to as KJ and Person C will be referred to as MS and the new guy will be AY. Understood? I'll assume that's a yes. So today in class it was like KJ and AY were both trying to get my attention. KJ kept whispering and asked to borrow one of my quote books, and AY kept reading over my shoulder and reading my book out loud. I hit him on the head with my book. And laughed. He shrugged and smirked. He seems to be always smirking. I might have a crush on AY, but I've liked KJ longer and KJ has glasses. KJ looks hot with glasses.

Hypothetically a very big problem

So, Person A has confirmed that she has a crush on Person B and he seems to lke her, but then Person C is being kinda weird and Person A's friends are being no help! Person B let Person A borrow some paper even though she didn't ask, he just noticed and decided to be nice, but another girl needed lined paper and was sitting on the other side of Person B and he didn't give her any paper. Person A thinks she's over analyzing what Person B does and is wondering if we really need boys or if they could just be sent to mars forever or something. Grrr.

Hypothetically doomed

So, hypothetically Person A was supposed to not care about Person B, but Person A is having trouble getting over him which is weird because she didn't know she had a crush on him in the first place. And there's this other guy Person C that Person A thinks has a crush on her but she doesn't have a crush on him and how can things get so confusing in the course of 24 hours?!

At one with the wall

It's totally natural to be pretty much invisible. If your hair isn't bleached blonde, you don't cover your face in a inch thick of makeup, or you don't like gossiping about how so-and-so finally got together with whats-his-face, then you tend to blend into the background. It's not strange, in fact there are lots of people who are just sort of there, but they go unnoticed. The problem is we tend to ignore other people who go on ignored. We think that they would just ignore us too, but if we just try hanging out with them we would not be so invisible. But most of us just sort of hide. We sink into the chair we're sitting in, or we become at one with the wall that's behind us and only lift up our heads to answer a question when the teacher picks us to make sure we're paying attention. And then there are our friends who are able to pry us away from the wall or get us up from the chair and make us feel seen. But we're still invisible to popular people and we still might as well not exist when it comes to boys. Phooey.

Hypothetically finished

Person A has decided that Person B, although he is really hot with glasses, isn't worth her time. She decided this shortly after finding out that Person B had dated one of Person A's friends, and Person A's friend would hate Person A forever if she showed any interest in Person B. And Person A values their life, so they will be pretending that Person B doesn't exist. But, you know, neither of them exist cause none of this ever happened cause it's hypothetical. Totally and completely hypothetical. Kinda.

Hypothetically continued

So, a while ago I posted about Person A and Person B and it was suggested that Person B likes Person A. Now some new stuff has happened. Up until this point Person A had been somewhat indifferent towards Persons B, but over spring break Person B got glasses and now he looks kinda sorta maybe a little bit hotter. However, Person A has found that Person B is now indifferent towards her, and she has no clue what to do. You know, hypothetically if this was actually happening. Which it's not.

My pitiful attempt at poetry

So, my friend dared me to write a poem and post it on here so...yeah. Here it is:

The stage is lit, but the audience is dark.
The fuse is waiting for a single spark.
The tension rises and everything stills.
No sound is made and the silence kills.
A door opens slightly, and light slithers through the cracks.
The darkness only now reveals all that it lacks.
A small breath of movement and a wordless whisper.
The audience gasps as the hero kissed her.
It's a fraud, a fake, it doesn't end that way.
It lies with the tune that it will all be okay.
The first and last word has been said, and this is where the story has led.
The villain has won and there the hero lies.
The lingering whisps of a dying goodbye.

Hypothetically

Lets say that there is a hypothetical person, called...Person A. Person A is gone from school quite a bit and she assumes that people don't pay much attention because she considers herself a frumpy potato-faced loser. But one day a boy, Person B, says that if she had missed one more day of school he was considering throwing her desk out of the window. Now every time Person A misses some school the next day Person B says some comment about it. Whether it's, "Well, look who decided to come to school," or "Why do you miss so much school." Person A either replies with a shrug or she makes a sarcastic remark. But Person B then suddenly doesn't make any comments about it, or even acknowledge that Person A exists. This is of course a hypothetical situation. But could it be possible that Person B kinda sorta likes Person A?

Assumptions

We make assumptions every day about ourselves and other people, and they affect everything we do. People make assumptions about us and we find ourselves changing to fit that assumption. It's very common to think that we should just listen to what we think of ourselves, but the thing is we also need to hear what other people think. Two different people could have completely different opinions about you, and you should hear both of those opinions and your own. If we block out what others think we end up either loving ourselves or hating ourselves, thinking we're ugly or we're beautiful. We need to hear all the voices, thoughts, spoken and unspoken and focus on the ones that are saying something relevant. A snobby girl saying that you should get your nose out of the book doesn't matter, but a close friend saying you shouldn't let the snobby girl push you down like that does matter. Everyone makes assumptions and so they assume they know someone without having even spoken to them. People in your class may look at you and see a nerd who probably listens to Mozart, but your friends would know that you listen to rap. Your classmates look at you and assume you want to go to Harvard college, but you know that you want to go to Juliard.

"The only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be."
-Where were you by The Fray

Repetition

My brother showed me this. It's such a great piece, and he's great at performing. Please watch the whole video, it has so much meaning.

always the audience

Whenever my family and I go to a play my dad tells me what a great audience member I am. That I have a great laugh and can clap at all the right times. I don't see this as a compliment. I use to be in my schools drama program, but I quit because my older brother plans to become an actor and I didn't want to steal his thing. I enjoy plays and love the writing of it, but I hate being in the audience. My parents tell my brother what a great actor he is and he is a great actor, but I'm just in the audience. The stage is lit, but the audience is dark and no one pays attention to a laugh in the audience.

Hello, I'm socially awkward

If someone were to ask people in my class who I am they would either say, "Who?" or they would say that I'm a goody two shoes who usually keeps my head down and isn't friends with anybody in the class. If you were to ask my friends they would say I'm a brainy, sarcastic, cynnical, only-nice-if-you-get-to-know-me, nerd. When we're in class we act differently than we do with our friends, we act more closed off because we think we'll be teased, and so we have our walls up. And yet if we acted like ourselves in class we might find that they don't tease us. Being defined as a goody two shoes could go to, "Oh yeah, they're really smart and sarcastic. The other day they told this joke..." You get the idea. I'm not saying we should change ourselves to be popular and I'm not saying we should be popular. I'm saying we should give being ourselves a chance.

Bottom of the pops, top of the nerds

A couple days ago at school some girls in my grade offered to help make me popular. They said, and I quote, "We want to see if it's possible for a total nerd to become accepted." I promptly told them I would rather kiss a cactus, and they walked away talking about lip gloss. I said no, because if I was to become a popular, I would be at the bottom of the popular social pyramid, however as a nerd I am at the top of the nerd social pyramid. I know it's kinda weird and confusing, but I have scatter brain. What I'm trying to say is that being popular may seem like it would be great, but it just wouldn't feel right. Can you imagine talking about the newest make up instead of the newest book?

The teen section in the library

As a quiet, nerdy middle schooler I spend a large amount of time at the public library. However the library reminds me of just how awkward middle school is. I feel to old for the kids section and whenever I go to the teen/young adult section there are a bunch of high schoolers looking at me as if to say "oh look, a tiny kid who we could crush under our boots." I have just a right as any of them to go into the teen/young adult section, but the thought terrifies me none the less. Middle school is the awkward in between period. Your old enough to have chores and be held responsible for your actions, but not old enough for anyone to respect you, or to be able to go with friends to the movies without a parent, or stuff like that. It's even worse if you're a nerd. I don't know about you, but I'm sick to death of 'yo momma' jokes.

Valentines day

In theory, Valentines day is great. But that's in theory. In reality, Valentines day A.K.A Singles Awareness day, sucks big time. People who are in a couple spend the day being all mushy and shoving it down other people's throats. People who are single spend Valentines day throwing things at people who kiss and wallowing in a portable pool of self pity. Furthermore, Valentines day is the leading cause for creepy cat ladies. Because of course people need a cat (most likely named mittens), in order to watch their cheesy Rom-coms. Then they decide that Mittens needs a friend. Two cats turn to four, and then eight, and pretty soon they have twenty cats. Also who wants to celebrate a holiday based on a short, chubby toddler coming at people with a weapon?

Invisible, but still writing

On any giving day a school cafeteria is loud. Extremely loud. The kind of loud that makes a yell the equivalent of a whisper. Shahala is a whole different kind of loud. The loudness at Shahala middle school during lunch goes to eleven. If you understood that reference I congratulate you, because 90% percent of the kids at Shahala have no clue what that is a reference to. In the ten percent that would understand, are my friends, fremenies, and acquaintances. In other words, the nerds. My friends are the people who are awesome and smart, and will go on to become writers, artists, scientists, engineers, doctors, etc. However, we are in middle school right now, and for people like us, middle school sucks. For girls, popularity is based on how much make up you can plaster on your face, and how straight you can get your hair. And, of course, how blonde you are. 87% of the girls at my school who are “popular” have blonde hair, or blonde highlights. The funny thing is that the “popular” girls are hated by the non-populars. All of us have been made fun of, or bullied by them, or simply treated like we’re invisible. On the fist day of middle school it’s supposed to be a fresh start, new school, new friends. But then when you get to school you realize that you don’t have a chance of becoming one of the “populars” because you didn’t know about the fad that started over the summer, you don’t wear globs of make up, and you like to talk about books and school instead of the newest brand of nail polish. So, you hang out with other people who go to the library during lunch, and who are a lot like you. Then a little less than halfway through the year, after your friend told a joke about what would happen if Katniss Everdeen and Hermione Granger got into a fight, you realize that being a nerd is kind of awesome.